I cannot forget that I am no longer a little girl on a certain year, month, and the day after my birthday.

It was also the beginning of that year. At the age of twelve, I, Meng, set off.

It's amazing. Everything before was gradually diluted, dissolved, and turned into a bubble by the new years. All people and things, now when they think about it, are vague. It seems that the twelve number divides me into two halves, completely different, half floating and half sinking.

On the evening of winter, I no longer have to eat this or that because of my stomach. If I can’t eat it, I will raise my mouth and be angry. I have become, wait quietly, then lock the door quietly, get into the quilt, quietly turn on an old radio, listen quietly with my ears, a gentle but powerful voice telling the story of Winnie the Pooh and Tigger. At that time, I have put myself in the story without reservation, and feel the rustling of the leaves by the wind, which is happening to me. I see Eeyore, who always looks sad, pace back and forth on the green grass, and hear Debbie calling Winnie’s name, and run into the piglet and Tigger discussing together...

On the short winter vacation night, I fell asleep peacefully with the memories of sounds.

From then on, the door of the room was no longer open openly. I fell in love with it, locked in the room alone, reading novels, comics, drawings, and dreaming...

Some people think that most diaries record the events of puberty during adolescence, also known as the puberty diary. However, for me who doesn’t know why love is, it is just to record my own changing emotions!

In 2010, I wrote my first diary in my life. I was just because I was so unwilling to accept it. I failed the final exam in the sixth grade and failed. I couldn’t let the math teacher I like praise me. Her gentleness and patience taught me to be stable. Don’t be anxious or panic in everything.

A locked diary has undoubtedly become a treasure and a secret. Standing in a square room, looking around carefully, and then hiding the cartoon diary into the compartment under the bed. So, every time I write a diary, the only thing I have to work hard is to get into the bottom of the bed to move it out.

Sometimes, when you look up the diary you wrote before, you will suddenly laugh out loud, and then you will still be surprised. What I didn’t know at that time is still the same now.

There is a paragraph in the diary that says:

A week ago, I told my father to help me take down the doll on the roof, but he had already agreed to tell me yesterday that there was nothing on it and told me not to lie! Today I was standing next to the window of the stairs and clearly saw a brown bear lying on the roof of the kitchen. I didn't lie!

After several days, it said:

Huh? The bear on the roof disappeared. After careful look, it was really gone. I didn’t tell my father about this, I just felt very sad.

I have never figured out whether the brown bear on the roof has really existed. I feel that it really exists, with fluffy and big black eyes, and I also feel that I have imagined a lonely bear on the roof because I am eager to have a doll. However, I once believed it.

More than once, I thought that I was holding a long bamboo pole with a net on it. I was running around the mountain, trying to catch the beautiful birds in the sky, and it really happened. I could think of it with my toes, how could it be possible! But I didn't want to dream of it.

Such unreal things happen frequently, so I can never immediately distinguish between reality, dreams and artistic conception. Because, deep in my heart, they are all happy and real existences. I can't bear to insist on their falsehood.

Now, due to myopia, the "things" I see are easily covered with the cloak of fantasy. Think about it, it is better to see something that is too real and sad, sprinkle some colorful sequins to let myself know that the world is beautiful and it is great to live! I don’t think this is self-deception, but comfort. No one wants to live in a world gradually covered with gray. Colors are often added by themselves. What color is in the heart and what color is seen.

It's also the color of dreams.
Chapter completed!